A Long Break

Early October, 2015:

“It’s postin” time!”

I thought it–or maybe I actually shouted it–at my computer.

And then I sat there, staring at its screen.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t think of a topic; there was always some aspect of writing I could spend hours writing about. Dishing about. Nit-picking.

Hours. Hours that always absorbed whole writing sessions. Because, as manic and critical as I am, something like a blog post wasn’t a thing that could possibly be finished in just a few hours.

A blog post. Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? Not an author’s website, because Louis Santiago wasn’t an author. By definition, authors are published.

At best, I’m a blogger.

Late October, 2015:

While trying to decide what to NaNo, I realized I still hadn’t posted for the month.

At some point, after telling a friend that I was considering taking a break from the blog, I’d been so eager to kick it off–so absolutely exhausted with the biweekly grind of writing posts–that I’d done it without realizing.

Because, after five years, the original plan for this site wasn’t working.

Step 1 – Make an author website.
Step 2 – Build a platform with that site while working on my writing.
Step 3 – Get published, in part because of the platform built on this site.

The writing part? That was coming along beautifully. When I started this blog, I was incredibly, naively confident about my writing skills. A few years in, I was questioning every story I thought up–fretting about every last word I wrote. But, at this point, I’m back to being confident, in part because I finally have my own technique. A style and a voice. Write it quickly, editing as you go. Don’t question whether an edit will make a scene less _______; just make the edit if it leads to a story you like. Don’t fret over first drafts–just get them out and give it your signature nit-picking and crimping when it was done. Plan stories, but not every scene–not every action. That’s my balance and I love it.

But, in contrast, I do not have the same grasp on this blog. The original plan for it just wasn’t happening. It wasn’t unfair–not a mystery why the site wasn’t working. I wasn’t beating himself up about it.

It was just suddenly clear, with the second year of NaNo approaching, that spending a week or two’s worth of writing sessions every month on blog posts… didn’t make sense anymore. Doing 30 Days 2, although tempting, wouldn’t help with the short stories I had to edit. The submission process I needed to keep working on.

And it wouldn’t help any of the new short stories, like Rainwater, get finished. After five years of writing about writing, I just wanted to write. The oddly sudden wave of new ideas that started crashing in the moment I understood that I could actually finish them. The characters I could indulge in because I could confidently give them voice now.

Since I was young, that was my dream. Writing.

Posting on my blog every other week, feeling awkward about it because I didn’t have any published stories to back up my observations about the craft? Not so much.

That was it then. Time to write a “last post for now.”

Yeah. With NaNoWriMo less than a week away.

On average, my blog has had about ten readers per post. Not enough to actually miss one of my posts. Not enough people to inundate the site with outrage over a lull in content.

But “about ten” was absolutely enough readers to stop me from posting right before NaNo. No matter how improbable it was, I refused to negatively impact anyone’s November in any way.

Today – December 1st, 2015:

I just want to get back to finishing Rainwater!

I spent the majority of NaNoWriMo 2015 working on it–an effort that included the creation of a total coding mess of an Excel world-building file; a very important part of that project.

But I also started other stories. “The Eldritch Auditor.” “Not Stupid, Fucking ‘Wonderboy.'” I just want to get back to those too. And roll right into editing Drowned God (AGAIN). I want to resubmit Memory: Shadow of the Lord Sun and keep working on the loose outline for its sequel, Legacy: The [SPOILERS–TITLES SHOULDN’T HAVE SPOILERS].

But first, I want to take a moment first to thank absolutely anyone who has ever read, liked, or subscribed. Anyone who’s commented here. Anyone who’s been with me for the past five years. Anyone who’s only hung around for five minutes of it. Thank you–so much–for being here for a cornerstone of my life.

I’m not going to remove this site; it’s not going to disappear. It will be here for as long as the internet exists. But I might not post again.

If I do though, I’ll post for one of two reasons.

  1. Because I had a thought I just had to shove out into the world; maybe another long rant about how much I just fucking hate lizardmen.
  2. Or, I’ll be writing to let you know that I’ve finally, finally been published. That the posts will immediately resume because they’re a luxury I feel I could have. That I was finally comfortable talking about writing like it’s a thing I know how to do, because there would finally be emphatic evidence that–yep–I know how to write. Well enough to get picked up.

So, again, thank you. For reading. For stopping by.

And, as always, write well.

3 thoughts on “A Long Break

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